I’m a city kid, through and through, born and raised against the backdrop of a concrete jungle. I’d say that I’m super proud of it but sometimes my fellow Londoners do things that make me feel slightly ashamed to be sharing the same city as them.
Autumn has struck the capital; cue knitwear, photos of the atmospheric skyline, quirky poses in Covent Garden and innumerable cups of coffee hitting Instagram – #nofilter (naturally!) Along with the thrills of autumnal weather comes the rain. Ah yes, the rain – something old Blighty is infamous for. Wonderful, ice-cold shards of rain coupled with gale force winds make this a season to be reckoned with. Unless you count snow, that stops Britain in its tracks and shuts us down for a good few weeks!
When the heavens open, so do millions of umbrellas up and down the streets of the inner city. Including mine – I don’t fancy an autumnal gale force make over thanks! Now, a lot of people don’t seem to understand that there’s an unwritten code for using umbrellas; 1 person should comfortably fit under an umbrella made for 1 person. Why? Well firstly it’s easier to stow away in your bag, pocket and wherever you want to keep it. I have genuine love for people who use such umbrellas; they understand the convenience of it and how practical it is in a crowded, urban environment.
My beef is with the other side of the coin: family sized umbrellas. If it’s being properly used, then I’m fine, but it’s the misuse of such accessories that gets my BP up. I know that some people tend to go on a power trip when they use a massive umbrella; they think that they own the pavement purely because their “umbrella is bigger than yours.” It’s a bit like parents who use a buggy the size of France to do the weekly grocery shop on a Saturday afternoon. They cruelly barge their way down the narrow aisles leaving behind a sea of carnage and chaos. In both social situations, both parties believe that they are entitled to intimidate others due to the sheer size of their add ons. I’ve got news for you honey pie: you don’t.
Secondly, a one human umbrella frees up more space on the pavements. Think about it: it’s the end of work, pouring with rain outside and everyone is frantically scurrying to the station to catch their train, try get a seat, run home, have a hot shower and bask in the warmth of their homes. This idyllic process is severely delayed by individuals with tent sized umbrellas. The sheer size and the madman underneath them turns such umbrellas into WMDs; have you been hit by one of these things? I have and it is quite traumatic. FYI to people who do this: your massive umbrella does not make you look important, in fact I have reason to believe that you might be compensating for something else. If you know what I mean *winky face* But on a serious note, please spare a thought for those who have been crushed by selfish people wielding family size umbrellas during rush hour.
Thirdly, why do you even have one of these things? Yes, maybe there’s certain glamour to firmly clasping a furled umbrella and tapping it against the chewing gum stained street as you “diligently” hurry to work. Either way, I still don’t see it. Such umbrellas are made for more than one person, so unless you’re going to pick up an entire school of children and walk them home or shield the population of London from the rain, I expect you to downsize. Or at least invest in a raincoat, that way you do not occupy too much space and are considerate to other umbrella users.