She

Image source: http://www.orientalist-art.org.uk

From her Kings are born. From woman, woman is born, without woman, there would be no one at all.

With long flowing dark hair, regal eyes and nut brown skin, She rose from the earth and the scent of jasmine lingered in the air from where She had been. From Her fingers sprung saplings, a strange, golden light emitted from Her palms and from Her feet grew long, dark, tightly knotted vines.

Plump and soft with bountiful breasts or tall and slender with a flash of anger in Her eyes, She came in many names, shapes and forms. Leaves, thorns, berries delicately adorned Her hair as She trod on soil, foliage, fire, clay, mud or rock.

She made the land fertile, brought light where there had only been darkness, hope where despair existed and water gushed where only ash had lain before. The desert bloomed and the scars of many disappeared as they began to thrive.

“Never leave us,” people pleaded when they saw Her. “We cannot imagine our world without you.”

To this She would gently smile and reply, “I am everywhere and always among you. How could I ever leave?”

The people breathed a sigh of relief and rejoiced: their world had become brighter, more beautiful and meaningful than before. They made oaths and took solemn vows that they would defend, cherish and protect the ones who gave life. They were convinced that nothing, or no one, could destroy their happiness.

***

It began gradually with a chill. It had accompanied a group of merchants after they had returned from six months of trading goods. They had come back with a strange glaze in their eyes and an air of malice hovered around their lips.

They looked upon the softness of their world  with disgust and the piety of its people with disdain. Everywhere they looked they saw a way of life that was backwards, hindered progress and left them open to being attacked.

Their brows furrowed with mirth and  tightened with repulsion at the adoration She received. White-hot anger surged through their veins and turned their hearts into molten rock, their eyes blazed with fury and any shred of compassion that they had dried up.

They had found the source of their fury, but knew that they couldn’t achieve their hearts’ selfish desires by themselves.

Their poison eventually seeped into the land, hearts and minds of the people as they turned on each other and slaughtered those who gave life.

The scent of jasmine no longer floated in the air. Instead it became so heavy and thick that it clung to people’s chests and burned their skin. Where water once ebbed and flowed, stood skeletal stems, dead foliage and deep grooves now slashed their way through the once lush riverbed.

It didn’t take long for Her to see what had happened to a land and a group of people She had fervently loved, nourished and protected. They came for Her with fire, weapons and blind fury.

It was Her fault. She was responsible for their plight. She had betrayed them and had to pay with Her blood. They vowed to destroy Her for causing them this pain and they didn’t care how long it would take. They vowed to forget that She ever existed and burned every single effigy that they had of Her.

She ran from the mobs. She ran from the fire. She ran from the earth that had given Her life. She ran from the light that had guided them. She ripped the saplings from her fingers, the vines that gripped her ankles and cast them aside. She ran headfirst into the darkness and  vowed to never return.

 

You are Beautiful

 

Image sourced from https://www.womenskorner.com

Beauty. I find it amazing how one word is enough to send scores of women around the world into a flurry of anxiety, open up the floodgates to insecurities and be willing to do anything to be considered ‘beautiful.’

Our collective desire to look and be considered as ‘beautiful’is one which transcends labels such as race, background, ethnicity and nationality. Everyone everywhere wants to be ‘beautiful’ yet we don’t even have a solid definition of who/what is considered to be ‘beautiful.’

So if looks fade eventually and all we’re left with is our soul, our character and our personality, why do we place such an emphasis on something which is as interchangeable as the leaves on the ground in Autumn?

As a South Asian woman I, like many others, grew up with two  views on what is considered to be ‘beautiful.’ The first is a South Asian (in particular Panjabi) lens on beauty and the second is a more Eurocentric view which I’ve grown up in.

However, I don’t believe that the two views are necessarily in conflict with each other. I believe that it’s the merge of both views which is producing conflict in many South Asian women.

Pick between the two: one which doesn’t exist anymore/isn’t as strong or one which you are surrounded by.

South Asian beauty varies, depending on what region you’re from. So for example what is considered to be beautiful in northern states (such Panjab) is  probably very different to other regions.

Yet there are some defining commonalities that exist across the board: fair skin, large brown (or lightly coloured) eyes, full lips, long, thick dark hair, full eyebrows and a slim or shapely physique.

Now, there’s a far more stronger European influence as to what constitutes a South Asian woman who is ‘beautiful’ – hence the use of skin bleaching products, lightening your hair and physically altering facial features (such as Roman noses seen in Panjab and sculpting jawlines).

It’s the merge of both views which is producing conflict in many South Asian women.

I’ve seen – and certainly felt – the effects of South Asians moving from wanting to be ‘beautiful’ by their own ethnic groups’ standards to now wanting to be considered as universally ‘beautiful’ by all standards. This impossible to achieve because it’s also where this inner awful conflict begins.

A new fear rises up: I want to be universally ‘beautiful’ but I don’t know where to begin or what to do. Many South Asian women feel as though they’ve been put in a precarious position where they neither fit into a traditional lens of South Asian beauty, which they used to fall back on, yet they do not adhere to this new universal idea of being ‘beautiful’ for which there is no social safety net for them to fall into.

So many find themselves pushed to pick between the two: one which doesn’t exist anymore/isn’t as strong or one which you are surrounded by. And it’s pretty obvious which one they will prefer  – yet there has been a recent revival to components of South Asian cultures (including beauty) which have been cast aside in favour of a Eurocentric look.

Granted, when it comes to discussing ideas of racial identiy crises or the remnants of colonial thought rearing its ugly head, this new blurred merge of Eurocentric and South Asian beauty standards isn’t the first thing which springs to mind.

However, I believe that it is a reality which we aren’t paying enough attention to.

It is coming at the cost of thousands of South Asian women’s self-esteem, self-confidence, self-belief and erodes at the value they once instilled in how they view themselves as South Asian women living in a Western society.

 

Power and Empowerment: BBC #100Women

(L-R) Chayya Syal, Aina Khan, Hasina Dabasia, Priya Changela, Ruchi Hajela, Safeera Sarjoo and Sarah Khan at BBC #100women

Last week I had the opportunity to take part in the BBC’s #100women project, with a group of South Asian female bloggers. To say that it was an honour and a privilege, is a massive understatement, as I was surrounded by a group of particularly powerful women who inspire me.

We dissected a variety of topics from women in leadership roles, social and cultural standards on what it means to be a ‘good girl’ to whether women need to exercise apathy/ruthlessness in order to get ahead in their careers and the age old issue of body image.

I’m choosing to focus on the latter, because it something which continues to irk me – and probably – thousands of women from all walks of life and industries.

An illuminating observation, which has stayed in the forefront of my mind, was made by Aina: “The metamorphosis of Hilary Clinton, from frumpy First Lady to classy Secretary of State, is proof of how much significance is placed on image.”

In a world where more and more women are entering positions of power and influence, it is unsurprising (and disheartening) to see that they are still removed from such posts and picked apart based on their physical appearance. Hilary Clinton, Cristina Kirchner, Angela Merkel, Condoleeza Rice, Michelle Obama are just a few names which instantly spring to mind – regardless of their standing, their qualifications and expertise, they are critiqued for how they look, rather than how they think or the policies that they enact.

When I think about how such women are instantly stripped off power and authority, it doesn’t surprise me that so many girls and women will not participate in such conversations or enter such careers.

“Beautiful women in public roles face the added pressure of looking good all the time.” ~ Ruchi Hajela

On one hand, we desperately need more women in STEM careers, corporates and politics, but on the other hand we are vilified if we obtain power. Is it a safer bet to soften our voices? To lessen our inner potential so that we don’t come off as intimidating or a threat to others? Feeling confused? I don’t blame you because it feels like many women today – including myself – are living in a social Chinese wall.

Don’t get me wrong: personal hygiene and looking presentable are important, but to shoot a woman in power down based on how physically attractive she is, is a reality that many women (on an everyday level) continue to face. It stuns me that, in this day and age, we have to put up with being fat shamed, called ‘sluts’ and ‘ugly’ – even if we are financially independent, highly educated and/or wield influence.

And that, in case you were wondering, is how you go about derailing a woman with power. There is a clear difference between an empowered woman and a woman with power. I personally define empowerment as realising one’s inner abilities, strengths and potential with an unshakeable sense of conviction. Having power doesn’t necessarily come with that sense of conviction.

Recently, I’ve found myself surrounded by two generations of South Asian women who are both empowered and wield power. Both of these experiences were, two of the most inspiring moments of my life so far, but I couldn’t help but feel disgruntled when people only commented on how good we all looked.

It felt like their comments, despite coming from a place of sincerity, went against the very purpose of what we were doing and trying to show. Women, with/without opinions and power, are more than the clothes we choose to wear and the make-up we choose to wear/not wear.

“Metamorphosis of Hilary Clinton, from frumpy First Lady to classy Secretary of State, is proof of how much significance is placed on image.” ~ Aina Khan

As a woman of South Asian descent, who was born and raised in the West, many women like me were brought up to be highly educated, achieve financial independence and still maintain our cultures. Our lives, today, are very different to that of our mothers and grandmothers – my own grandmother constantly tells me to be as independent as I can possibly be so that I don’t end up living a life that was similar to hers.

Here’s where it gets annoyingly complicated; we can be educated and independent but within moderation (this usually means in line with cultural beliefs). This shift in what it means to live life as a Western-born South Asian woman has not translated into our cultural and social beliefs despite the length of time that the South Asian Diaspora has been in the West. Of course, there are pockets of liberal and progressive South Asian communities, but the point I’m making is that their ways of thinking are not widespread enough.

If I think about it, there really is no ‘better’ way to derail and unhinge a woman (with and without power) by picking apart her physical appearance. As someone who was fat shamed and humiliated for how she looked (by my own mother), I’d be lying if I said that I don’t feel self conscious every single time I talk about entrepreneurship in schools, participate in media panel discussions or make video content for Avid Scribbler.

I’m all too aware of the crippling sense of shame, rage and inadequacy every time someone labels me as being too “aggressive,” “a fat b*tch” or an embarrassment to my culture. I’m even more aware of the nasty caricatures that women with ambition and the will to succeed in their industries are drafted into, without their consent, because it’s happened to myself and too many South Asian women that I know and work with.

Does it quash my ambition? Does it chip away at my confidence and self esteem?

The answer to that changes on a daily basis; sometimes it doesn’t bother me and I fiercely fight back to stand my ground. But other days, I am emotionally exhausted from having to defend myself or deal with such comments/people (they come at all angles these days) through a fixed smile.

Does it make me feel ashamed to have ambition? Will it stop me from achieving what I have set out to accomplish? 

No and I am hell bent on making this a point to women of all backgrounds, but particularly to South Asian women. I have learnt – the hard way – that if you have a burning desire to better yourself and to succeed it will overpower small minded people and their snarky comments.