Achilles’ Heel

It’s not every day that we admit to or decide to face what we fear the most. I’ve often wondered why that is. Is it out of pride? Reluctance? Anxiety? Fear of the aftermath having faced the fear? It’s a complex business which is daunting but important to do. Writing this post put me in two minds: firstly I’m about bare all with whoever is reading this post. Secondly, it’s the first time that I’m going to put what is in my head and heart into words. In addition, I’m aware that some individuals may choose to use this against me; oh well.

The story of Achilles and his downfall gave rise to the popular saying: “Achilles’ heel.” It’s a phrase that I’ve always loved thinking about because I love the story behind it. Whilst an Achilles’ heel is mainly referred to our feet, it’s a concept which can be applied to the way we view ourselves. I don’t have a six-pack or ripped abs. I’m not model thin with striking features and a neverending sum of money in the bank. I’m an ordinary every day person who, like many others, is on their journey through life. Sometimes it’s full of sunflowers and happiness. Other times it’s dark and full of thorns.

I firmly believe that struggle and having to get back up after a setback, makes us into the person we are supposed to be. If that makes sense. Everyone has their own version of an “Achilles’ heel” and it can be almost anything. For me, it’s these poisonous six words: “You are exactly like your mother.” Even seeing that written down makes me feel deeply unsettled. When it’s said to me, it’s even worse. It’s like someone peeling off a scab and poking at it for fun. After all this time, it still touches a nerve.

I have my reasons as to why those six words manage to shake my core and unsettle me – if I’m strong enough, I’ll write that chapter of my life in a future blog post. When I was younger, I’d do anything to not look, act like or sound like my mum. My younger mind’s reasoning was: “Of course, this sounds stupid and futile – I have 50% of my mother’s genes in my DNA, so on a genetic level I can’t ever fully rid myself of her. But if I can do absolutely anything to not behave like her, I’ll do it.”

That way of thinking ruled me for a very long time and it wasn’t until someone very close to me uttered those six poisonous words at the weekend. It upset me and I cried myself to sleep because I couldn’t handle being compared to the person whom I had tried so hard to not be like. It felt like I had somehow failed myself. That I had let myself down and become the very thing I never want to be. I guess that’s why I called it my Achilles’ heel. But then I started thinking about how I needed to change this way of thinking so that it wouldn’t fully derail me in the future.

Whether I like it or not, there will always be an existing element of my mother in me. It’s something that, with time, I will learn to accept and channel in a different way that’s not so toxic to my well being. I might always be referred to as my mother’s daughter. There may be certain attributes of mine, which may cause others to make a link between us. I can’t ever fully escape her. But instead of letting it dictate my emotions and rule my mind, I can begin to look at it from a different angle. One which benefits me.

Humans of the Internet

As a millenial, it’s safe to say that the majority of my adult life has been dominated by technology. As sad as that may seem, it’s actually not a bad thing. As a blogger and writer, it’s a great platform for me to showcase my work, connect with like minded individuals and build a network full of incredibly inspiring people.

Alas! Not all is as rosy as it seems. For every amazing person I know, there are at least 5 humans whom I would describe as oxygen thieves. Of course everyone and everything has value in the world, we’re all special unique beings, but there are certain types of people that I have had the unpleasant experience of encountering on the Internet.

1. The One Hit Wonder:

This is the type of person you might have recently come into contact with. This person will sit talking to you all night and the next day. So far so good. You get the thrill of meeting someone new and exciting. So you message them the following day, but they don’t reply to your message despite having seen it (those tick marks are so handy!) Poof! Off they go never to be seen or heard from again. Sure, they’ll retweet things, post photos on Instagram and regularly update their Facebook statuses, but reply to your message? Never!

2. The Narcissist:

The phrase “style over substance” was tailored for this person. The trouble with narcissists is that they don’t even know that they are a narcissist.  This person regularly posts Photoshopped images of themselves, the swanky places they go to eat food (now you know where not to go!) and post the odd deep quote to show that they sometimes think. Their social media life makes them look like they live in the covers of a glossy lifestyle magazine. The reality? They use social media as a front to distance themselves from their “admirers.” The result? Take away all the filters they use and you’re left with nothing.

3. Digital Dave: 

My personal favourite; Digital Dave is a person whose life online looks incredible. He’s 6ft2, ripped as hell, has chiseled features yet is an intelligent, sensitive human being who is outgoing and likes animals. Digital Dave is commonly found on dating websites, initially you’ll feel like you’re out of his league just from looking at the photos. But when you meet up with him (if that even happens!) Real Life Dave is a far cry from the hunky Digital Dave and you’d rather watch a snail race than have a drink with him.

4. The One with No Face:

This person – for some odd reason – has no photos of themselves. I get it; selfies can be really annoying. But the flip side is when this person posts photos of cars, skylines, buildings, plants, flowers, cats and cakes. Which is all very nice, but it doesn’t answer the question of…what do you look like? It’s equally annoying and confusing. So unless you’re a Transformer or a Power Ranger…at least have a photo of yourself.

5. Herbert the Pervert:

Totally stole that from Family Guy! This person will only contact you when their nether regions are on fire. In fact, they become so annoying that you almost want to set fire to them. Joking, I’d never advocate violence. But the good thing is that, if you ignore them long enough (or block them!) they tend to fade away with their searing loins in tact.

6. The Bunny Boiler:

Ok so this person is actually quite dangerous. They start off all nice, polite and things actually look quite promising. But one day, you say something and they take it the other way. The wrong way. So you have an argument over a misunderstanding and decide to part ways for good. Not so fast!! They then proceed to stalk you online, pursue you relentlessly and harass you until you either take out a court injunction against them or report them to the police. Beware of the Bunny Boiler.

7. The Human Frisbee:

This person might have been someone you regularly talk to. Or used to. But every now and again they disappear off the radar and into the abyss of the unknown. You try to contact them to no avail. So a few months go by, you forget about them and suddenly they contact you. Shocked you reply back and you have a brief conversation. It’s a nice conversation, so the next day you go to continue it. When they don’t reply for about 3 weeks, you realise that they’ve done a Houdini on you. And the vicious cycle continues until it eventually fizzles out. Or you can’t be bothered to reply back.

8. The Wannabe Cupid:

Ok so this one really applies to South Asian ladies as it happens to us the most. This person has the front to try and chat you up over mediums such as LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook and God help you if he finds out your Skype address! They’ll send you a poorly written message saying: “Hiiiiiiiiiii…..you r vry btiful,,,, i lve yr smle and wnt to b frndzzzz wth you…..k…bye….” along with a YouTube video of a random love song with photos of them soulfully peeping out at you. You’re better off just not responding or blocking this person. Why? Once you respond, they won’t let you go. Ever.

9. The Rottweiler:

This person constantly has beef with everyone and anything they come into contact with. Sure a bit of anger can be humorous but when it’s directed at each and every little thing in life, it lose humour. In fact, you dread the second that this person’s name pops up on social media. So much so, you do anything to avoid conversation with them – even if it means keeping a note of what time they come online. Better safe than sorry.

That’s my breakdown of the types of people on the Internet, if I’ve missed any out let me know!

Colostrum

“Look at her! Shameless bitch,” he said to his colleague as they lowered their heads in embarrassment and carried on walking. She looked at them her eyes filled with a mix of shame and passive defiance. She wasn’t sure whether to be angry, upset, humiliated, stunned or bit of each.

* * *

I was 16 years old when a man said that to his work colleague as they walked past me in a department store. It was a relatively hot day and there was a woman sitting on a sofa with a cardigan draped across her chest. If you stared long enough at her, it was pretty obvious. But if you were walking and glanced at her, it wasn’t. The woman was breastfeeding her child in public. Over the years in the UK, the subject of women breastfeeding in public is a thought-provoking discussion. There are those who abhor it and demand for it to be shunned. And those who see nothing wrong with it at all.
Breasts. Boobs. Tits. Titties. Juicy, juicy mangoes. Mosquito bites. Whatever you call them, breasts are there and there’s not much people can do about them. We seem to have a bit of an obsession for them as well. Whether it’s seeing them in various TV adverts, magazines, websites or in our daily lives, an obsession for breasts and what they should/shouldn’t do exists in our minds and general society. It is interesting to note the way that we view and refer to breasts in the English language. When we see things like page 3, hear drunken slurs of “Get your tits out for the lads” breasts are sexualised and turned into a meaningless object to be gawped at and groped. Their original purpose is momentarily forgotten. But note the change when adverts for Cancer Research come on the TV; it goes from sexualised imagery to clinical, scientific language. It’s called “breast cancer” not “tittie cancer.” Breasts are taken more seriously when they are referred to as “breasts” instead of “titties.”
I find it bizarre that it’s acceptable for images of topless women to be splashed across society in a series of lad mags, adverts, porn videos and billboards but unacceptable for them to be used for their original purpose; to nurse a child. If a topless woman grinning from a magazine cover is deemed “normal” then so should breastfeeding in public. For some reason, people become flustered when they see a woman breastfeeding her child. Is it really that awkward? Does the image of a child sucking at its mother’s breast look like cannibalism? Or does it remind people of a horny overly oiled up person sucking upon the nipples of a fellow horny being which is why they feel uncomfortable? Most people would have probably been breast-fed as a baby, unless they went straight to the formula stuff. There are countless works of art depicting blissfully content mothers looking upon a child peacefully suckling their breast. Hell, this YouTube video about breastfeeding went viral because it is so controversial. It was deemed to be the most natural and sacred act that a mother could do for her child because breast feeding was/and is viewed as an emotional bond between a mother and the child. As time went by, scientists discovered that breast was indeed best as it supports a baby’s immune system. I genuinely have no problem with a woman breastfeeding in public. Where else are they supposed to go if they are in public? The public loos in Britain aren’t that pleasant nor are pub toilets.
So what’s your opinion on women breastfeeding in public? If you have Google+ leave a comment, if not tweet me @c_syal with your response.